December 29, 2003
Rayne Today
Alyssa's mom found her blog. Eeewww...
I should be more open-minded about this. Maybe it's a good thing, maybe not; who am I to know? It will depend a lot on whether Alyssa's mom sees her as the independent and mature adult woman that she is, or if she still sees her as her little girl.
If I could say anything at all to her mother, it would be this:
Speaking as a daughter/mother/blogger, having one's mother find one's personal blog is like having your mother go through your lingerie drawer. Once upon a time one's mother needed to do that; a six-year-old isn't always the best judge on whether they are set for socks and underwear, after all. An inventory by mom is warranted.
Perhaps there isn't anything unseemly in the adult daughter's lingerie drawer that might shock a mother - maybe there's just a banal collection of under-wire bras and white cotton panties. But many of us really don't want to share with our mothers the rationale behind that particular leopard-skin print satin purchase from Victoria's Secret (operative word, "Secret") or that odd little flesh-colored device with a stash of batteries.
That is to say, when we post the explicit details of our personal lives we don't expect to be inviting Mom to a no-holds-barred truth-or-dare session.
As a mother I'm already keenly aware that my tween-age daughter is entering that place where I should no longer tread. Some of her writings are very private now; I won't be privy to those cute little love letters sent to or by her any longer. I might only be able to guess at some of the object(s) of her affections or frustrations from here on out. I'll have to believe that whatever I've taught her so far has stuck fast and continue to teach her to guide her through the rough patches, without any real expectations of full disclosure.
And if I come across her diary, I'll have to respect her privacy and leave it alone, even if she leaves it wide open in public.
Unless, of course, she pointedly asks me to read it, and to comment on it.
When my daughter takes up blogging, I'll have to do the same.
Otherwise she'll never have someplace safe to crab about her mother!
What about you? Would you go looking for your child's diary or their blog? Would your child invite you to their blog?
And have your parents found your blog? Do tell!
Posted by rayne at December 29, 2003 3:44 PM
My parents know about my blog and my mother reads it. Since it's public, I couldn't expect to invite the entire internet to read my blog except family. Then again, I use my real name. If I wanted to keep my blog from certain people I would probably go anonymous and keep it hush-hush.
Neva, are there things you draw the line on as topics since you're "out there"?
I assume my family reads my stuff. But it has never been a topic of discussion. My family has been participating in my public readings since the 70's so I can only assume they still keep up or have gotten bored, probably the latter.
can the party in question weigh in?
this is so weird, having my mom have read my blog. and she's being all sneaky about it. she wasn't even the one who told me she'd read it--i checked my hits and saw one from her provider, traced it further and saw my name had been googled... something i'd shown her how to do ovre the weekend as she searched for old boyfriends.
so i told her that i know she read it, and all she said was something to the effect of, "well, obviously you wouldn't put it up there if you didn't want people to read it."... which, btw, was the same argument she used when she found things in my pant pockets as a teenager and always assumed i'd left them there for her to find. that's when i learned how to do my own laundry.
my dilemma now is how much i want to write about, how much personal stuff, knowing she's reading. right about now i'm really envying rayne's anonymity.
Rayne, since I'm "out" there are a few things I won't go into: My sorry-ass sex life being one of them. Of course, out of respect for family and friends, I don't air griefs about them on my blog. But that's about all I censor.
I've just had the opposite experience - i.e. my children finding my blog. Different but also unsettling!
Alyssa,
My mother, my in-laws, and my co-workers all found my blog. The perils of writing without a pseudonym, I suppose.
Knowing that people I know are looking over my shoulder definitely makes me think twice about what I write, but perhaps that's not such a bad thing. If I want to write about personal quandaries outside their purview, I can use a paper journal or post to another, anonymous personal blog. And if I want to write about my family and my friends in public, why shouldn't they have the write to read it and to respond?
You could always ask your mother not to read the blog. If she does it anyway, the issue isn't your blog. It's with her respect for your desires.
Ron
Julian, can you share any more about the experience? Are your kids grownups living away from home or still living with you? I wonder sometimes whether my kids will be able to accept everything about me exposed in my writings once they've been able to separate the flawed human that I am from their parent; conversely, I wonder when I'll be able to do the same with my kids.
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